


Our Version of Perfect

by orphan_account



Series: 1,000 Followers Prompts [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe- non magic, Angst, Car Accident, Coma, Comatose Harry, Comatose James, Comatose Lily, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Grief, Ill Teddy, Injury, M/M, Traumatic Brain Injury, cystic fibrosis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 06:33:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6108066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a drunk lorry driver hits the Potters and sends them into a coma, Sirius is certain his entire life is over.  Unable to do anything but sit by their bedsides and wait, he isn't sure he can get through it.  But when Teddy Lupin is admitted to the PICU, Sirius' entire world is turned upside down as he meets the young boy's father, and discovers that maybe there's plenty more worth living for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Version of Perfect

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hiddenbookshop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiddenbookshop/gifts).



> Written for Hiddenbookshop's request for the 1,000 followers prompt request. Harry, James, and Lily in a coma. Sirius meets Remus when Teddy's admitted for a chronic illness.
> 
> Please be warned some of the issues regarding the illnesses/injuries of the characters might be triggering. If chronic illness and TBI trigger you, feel free to skip this fic.

If you asked Sirius Black what his worst nightmare was, the answers would vary depending on his mood. Maybe it was his mother returning from the grave. Maybe it was being trapped in his childhood home. Maybe it was something happening to his brother. Some days it could be someone insisting he was not punk rock. Or perhaps being forced to live in a world with gender binary.

One thing he would never say was a car accident nearly taking away everything Sirius held dear. Mostly because never in his life had he ever considered anything happening to James, Lily, and Harry Potter.

Yet here he was. Sat in a PICU room with the eighteen month old baby clinging to life. Covered in tubes and wires and machines making strange noises, Harry didn’t look human. Only slivers of skin were visible, and every hour on the hour, nurses hovered over his bed checking levels and vitals and other things Sirius didn’t understand.

He hadn’t slept in days, he was pretty sure. He had lost count since he got the call that all three Potters had been crushed in their car and none of them had yet to regain consciousness. 

Sirius spent his days between PICU and ICU, saying prayers to gods he didn’t believe in, listening to medical jargon he couldn’t hope to understand, and seeing in their eyes there wasn’t a lot of hope. Or at least, that’s how he felt.

His hands seemed to have a permanent tremble, and every time a medical professional walked by him, he was certain he was about to get the worst news possible.

“Would you like to help give Harry his bath?”

Sirius, who had been staring absently into the distance, glanced up. “Sorry?”

The nurse gave him a soft smile. “Harry needs to get a bath. Would you like to help?”

Sirius blinked. “I…how can he? He’s all…” He waved his hand toward the cot at all the tubes.

“It’s just a wipe-down really. But it’ll feel good on his skin and we need to make sure he doesn’t suffer any breakdown from laying for too long.” She left the room and returned shortly after with a small cart. It had a pink bucket filled with warm water, a small bottle of baby soap, and a couple flannels.

Needing something to do to occupy him, he rose and walked over, taking one of the wet flannels she’d dipped into the bucket. “Just…like this?” he asked, rubbing the corner on areas of Harry’s skin which wasn’t covered in tubes or bandages.

The boy had been flung from the car, in his seat, but it hadn’t spared him violent road-rash. It was scabbed now, on his left cheek, and across his torso.

“That’s perfect,” the nurse said. 

Sirius went to work, gently wiping Harry down. He winced when the all-but lifeless body was turned onto his stomach, and Sirius wanted to cry again. Seeing the vivacious child now just lying there, looking like nothing more than a ragdoll, was impossible. Wasn’t it just two weeks ago he’d been giggling like mad, running through the room at Sirius who tossed him into the air to hear his giggles. Wasn’t this the boy Sirius would kiss over and over and over until he squealed and said, “Pada! Stop!”

And now what was he?

He knew a few things. That Harry might not be himself when he came to. That he might not ever come to. That his parents might not make it and if Harry did, Sirius would be his guardian. 

His entire life had been upended at the front end of a drunk lorry driver and there was nothing Sirius could do about it.

Three hours later another nurse asked Sirius if he wanted to help with James. Seeing his friend in the same state as the boy, Sirius did lose it. He dropped the flannel and ran, because he couldn’t take it.

This was not happening.

It was a nightmare.

*** 

Five days later, Sirius was heading for Harry’s room again—James was having an MRI done to check the progress of the brain injury, and Lily was scheduled for hers shortly after. When he walked in, however, the room had another occupant.

Before, Harry had been alone, but now there was a small, paediatric bed in the corner occupied by what looked like a small toddler. In a chair beside it was a man about Sirius’ age, with dark, wild curls and a drawn expression. He looked up with shocking amber-coloured eyes, and gave Sirius a quiet nod before he went back to watching the sleeping child.

Sirius wasn’t sure protocol in these situations. Was the child in a coma like Harry was? Was this person suffering the way Sirius suffered? The not knowing, the constant worry?

He didn’t ask. He merely resumed his previous seat, reaching over to stroke one finger—the black polish now chipped—along Harry’s chubby, dark knuckles. Things weren’t changing at all, which Sirius would normally consider a good thing, but now realised the more things remained the same, the more chance he’d be asked the make the tough call. On James. On Lily. On Harry. The decision to cut all support to their bodies and let them go.

Sirius goddamn knew he was not strong enough to make that choice. 

And he also knew there was no one else.

*** 

It was late, and Sirius was crying. Not just because of the stress, but because not an hour before, Harry’s heart rate dropped dangerously low. The machines were blaring and nurses and doctors were shoving Sirius out and trying to revive the toddler.

Eventually he was fine. His vitals stabilised and he looked alright for his condition.

But Sirius knew how close he’d been to losing Harry and he couldn’t take it anymore. He was sat in the chair with his forehead pressed against the side of the cot, and he was weeping quietly. The tears made his eyes sting and cheeks itch, but he couldn’t stop them.

A few minutes in, however, he felt something small take his hand. Then a warm body shoved him back and crawled into his lap. It took Sirius a moment to realise what was happening. The small child from the second bed in the room was awake, and was now in his lap and gently petting Sirius’ hair.

“It's okay,” the child was whispering, the sound hoarse like the child couldn’t speak louder. “Don’t cry. It's okay.”

Sirius let out a choked, wet laugh and ruffled the kid’s curls. “Thanks. I…I’m just sad.”

“What's your name?”

“Sirius. What’s yours?” The distraction the boy was offering was distracting him long enough to get himself a little more under control. His eyes were still wet and watery, but he was no longer sobbing.

“M’Teddy. My daddy went to get me chocolate muffins and he wanted tea. Do you want tea?”

Sirius laughed again. “Ah no, I’m alright, Teddy. Should you be out of your bed?”

Teddy shrugged and put his face in the crook of Sirius’ neck. “It's okay. You were sad so here’s some hugs. My daddy’s hugs make me feel better when I’m sad. You want my daddy’s hugs?”

Sirius shook his head. “I’ll be alright, you know.”

Teddy eventually pushed back, looking over at Harry’s bed. “Is that your baby?”

Sirius felt a fresh wave of tears spill down his face as he shook his head. “No. He’s my godson.”

“What happened?”

“He was in a bad accident,” Sirius said, trying to control his voice. “He got hurt.”

“Oh. I get hurt,” Teddy said. He pulled down the front of his gown to show Sirius a couple of gauze bandages stuck to his chest with medical tape. “Tha’s my port,” he said, poking one. Then he poked over his belly. “Tha’s my tubie.”

“Tubie?”

“Mmhmm. I get stuff in there for my tummy.”

A second later, a figure appeared in the door, and the boy’s father stared wide eyed at the scene. Sirius was about to try and assure the man Teddy had got out of bed all on his own when the father set his tea down and gave the boy a stern look. “Teddy, what did I say about getting out of your bed?”

“Sirius was crying and he needed some hugs,” Teddy protested, his grip on Sirius tightening. “He was crying!”

Sirius flushed, but the boy’s father didn’t mention it. “Yes, but it’s past your bedtime.”

Teddy sighed, then gave Sirius one more hug. “You okay now?”

“I’m okay now,” Sirius assured him, ruffling his curls once more.

“Sorry,” the father muttered as he reached down to pick up the small boy. He carried him back to the bed and began to hook up his monitors. “You know the nurses don’t like when you do this.”

Teddy huffed, but gave a sleepy yawn and in what felt like seconds, his eyes were closed and he was asleep. When the dad was sure the boy was out, he rose and went back for his tea, giving Sirius a careful look.

“Alright there, mate?”

Sirius looked up, scrubbing at the sticky feel on his cheeks. “Ah. Yes. There was…earlier there was…”

“I was here,” the man said. “They asked me to come back. I’m glad he’s alright.”

Sirius nodded, not trusting his voice as he glanced at Harry who was still holding steady. After a moment, he felt a touch on his shoulder and saw the man had come closer.

“I’m Remus. I’m here a lot, so I know where the keep the good tea if you fancy a walk and a cuppa?”

Sirius blinked up, then surprised himself by smiling and rising to his feet. “That would be really good. And I’m Sirius. It’s nice to meet you.” He extended his hand, and smiled at how warm and strangely comforting Remus’ was in his.

They left the room, Sirius experiencing a little bit of apprehension going far from Harry after everything, but the quiet stroll with the strange man started to make him feel centred a bit.

They reached a small area with a coffee maker, and Remus rummaged round the cabinets until he came out with a tin of Yorkshire. Sirius let out a small sigh of relief as he took a paper mug from the stack and put the tea bag in, pouring hot water from the coffee tap.

“This is brilliant, thank you,” he breathed. He watched as the brown tendrils began to seep from the bag, turning the water dark. “I…I don’t really know how to handle all this.”

“It’s different for me and Teddy,” Remus said quietly, leaning against the wall to watch Sirius. “He’s got a condition which lands him here more often than not. Right now he’s fighting off a bout of pneumonia and we’re trying to get it before the infection spreads.”

Sirius blinked. “God I’m…I’m sorry.”

Remus shook his head. “I knew what I was getting into from his infancy. Cystic Fibrosis. They have a lot more treatments for kids these days than they did even five years ago, but it’s not easy. But your boy…”

“Godson,” Sirius corrected. “My…his…his parents were in an accident. Drunk lorry driver smashed their car. His parents are also erm…” Sirius shook his head then cleared his throat. “It was sudden.”

Remus looked him up and down. “Sirius…have you been home since the accident?”

Sirius nodded as he sipped his tea. “A couple of times. I…it’s been…” He realised just how exhausted he was and didn’t even remember when he’d set foot in his flat last. “James and Lily don’t have family. I’m all they’ve got. So I didn’t want to leave in case…” He thought about what might have happened if he hadn’t been here today and Harry hadn’t made it.

Remus reached out, touching his arm. “Go home. Sleep in your bed. Eat a real meal, and come back in the morning. I’m going to be round. Why not give me your mobile and I’ll keep an eye on the baby, yeah? And I swear if there’s even a blip on any of his monitors, I’ll ring you.”

Sirius wanted to say no, but the idea of getting even a few minutes distance was too good to pass up. So in the end, he gave in and let a cab drive him home. He was so certain he wouldn’t sleep, but with Remus’ promise, he eventually dropped off.

*** 

It became routine for the men. Teddy’s condition worsened which surprised Sirius as when he first met the boy, he’d been vivacious. He was older than Sirius thought, too. He was very small and thin, and Sirius didn’t imagine he was more than three, but his vocabulary was massive and Sirius learnt he was five and it was the CF that kept him small.

On his off hours at home, Sirius read up on recovery of coma patients, and then on Cystic Fibrosis. The prognosis was terrifying, the secondary conditions the stuff nightmares were made up, and he couldn’t begin to understand how Remus could live with knowing how short his son’s life would be. Even with lung transplants and stem cell therapy, most people with CF didn’t make it to their forties.

The only good side was that both James and Lily seemed to be recovering. They had moved from deep coma to a minimally conscious state, and Lily was recovering faster, but even James was starting to respond to voices and commands.

It was only Harry now that hung on persistent and unyielding to consciousness.

Actually it was on a Thursday—which Sirius decided were incredible days—that things looked like they were turning round. James was awake. He was awake and he was speaking and things weren’t perfect but the doctors were _optimistic_ and Sirius had never heard anything so amazing in his entire life.

When he got the okay, he climbed up on the bed with James and laughed when his best mate just held him tight and kissed the side of his hair and his first words were, “Your hair is a mess, Pads. Who are you?”

Sirius openly wept into James’ shoulder. “You bastard. You…you bastard.”

James stroked his hair and sighed. “We’re Potters. We’re fighters. You, me, Harry, and Lils. This isn’t the first good news.”

Later that evening Lily rose to consciousness for the first time. She was the worst of the pair, her memory was spotty and she was having trouble speaking. But there was optimism for her too. She smiled at the sight of Sirius and hummed when he kissed her cheek and nodded when he asked if she wanted him to come back tomorrow.

He was all-but skipping back to the PICU when a sight made him freeze.

Remus was there, looking pale, almost panicked. He was pacing in front of the door and before Remus could react, a bed was being rolled out and Teddy was on it. There were nurses just all over him and it looked like they were squeezing something in his face and one of them was rapidly speaking to Remus before he was carted off.

Unable to stop himself, Sirius rushed over and took Remus into his arms. “What happened?”

“He’s…his heart stopped,” Remus muttered. “This isn’t the first time it happened, but they had a hard time getting a steady rhythm and they…he’s…” He cleared his throat. “They want him to have a pacemaker put in.”

Sirius’ eyes widened because he knew what those were but the boy was sodding five. Five! His head was shaking even as he whispered comforting words right into Remus’ ear. “This is a great hospital. He’s going to be fine. He’s such a strong kid.”

“I know,” Remus sniffed.

Sirius poked his head gently into the room. There was no change in Harry—steady as ever and Sirius was grateful for it. “Come on, we’re getting a proper coffee.”

He took the man’s hand and pulled him down the corridors where there was a small little cart with a woman who made cheap espresso drinks. Sirius ordered two lattes and when they had them in hand, he took Remus outside to the small sitting area with a flower bed and a couple of stone benches.

The sky was darkening, the stars out. It was cold, the moon looking icy as it shone above them full and bright.

“You know, when he was a baby, the doctors told me to expect this. Not that it would happen, but he told me I had to be constantly prepared to lose my son. I thought…” Remus trailed off with a bitter laugh. “I thought well, he’s got this condition but it won’t happen to _my_ son. Not mine. And so far he’s done so well but…” Remus trailed off, twisting his cup between his hands as they hung between his knees.

“I don’t know what to say,” Sirius muttered. “I feel like I should say something comforting but the world is shit, Remus. It is. It’s fucking shit.” He licked his lips. “James and Lily woke up tonight.”

Remus’ eyes darted up, brighter than before. “Really?”

“I feel like an arsehole even telling you that,” Sirius admitted.

“No. No, Sirius that’s fucking good. Really brilliant. I needed to hear that right now.”

Sirius chanced a small smile, and boldly reached out, brushing the back of his knuckles down Remus’ cheek where the tear tracks were drying. “James is better than Lils. She can’t really speak right now and they’re not sure how bad the damage is. But she’s awake. So it’s something. Just Harry hanging on now and…” Sirius breathed out. “I have to believe he’ll wake up.”

“I think he will,” Remus said. “He’s so strong.”

Sirius sniffed, then reached out, pulling one of Remus’ hands away from the cup and laced their fingers together. “Teddy’s the strongest of all of them, alright?”

Remus laughed wetly. “Yeah. He’s pretty bloody fantastic.”

*** 

Hours and hours and hours later, Teddy came out of surgery alright. He was covered in more tubes and machines than Harry was, and his vitals kept crashing, but the machines were doing their jobs and by the weekend, Teddy was stable again.

Remus was exhausted, hadn’t slept, refused to go home, only ate what Sirius convinced him to. Finally when Teddy was awake and off the ventilator, Remus went home for a short kip and a shower. Sirius was in the room, watching Harry who was showing more brain activity but no signs of waking, when he heard a small voice.

“S’rs?”

Turning, Sirius’ eyes went wide when he saw Teddy staring at him. “Hey kiddo. How are you feeling?”

“It hurts,” Teddy said with a slight grimace. “And m’hungry but I can’t have anything.”

“I know,” Sirius said. He walked over and ran his hands through Teddy’s curls. The boy’s eyes closed and a small smile graced his lips. “You want something else though?”

“Mm, can you read to me a story? Daddy left books.” Teddy nodded weakly at a small case which was propped open.

“Any favourites?”

“Um the moon one.”

Sirius rummaged round until he found a book which looked far beyond Teddy’s reading level, but when he showed it to the boy, Teddy nodded. “Alright.”

“But you haff to sit here,” Teddy said, and carefully shifted in the bed.

Sirius was unsure about fitting, terrified to disturb anything, but they managed to make it work and Teddy carefully moved so Sirius was half-holding him. He propped the book up on a crooked knee and began to read.

He read until his throat ached and his mouth was dry, but the boy was smiling and giggling at some parts and then, after what felt like forever, he started to drift off. Sirius closed his eyes and wondered what it would be like feel this constant fear that his child would be taken away from him. He could not imagine how Remus did it.

Even barely knowing this boy, Sirius knew if anything happened to him he would be shattered. Crushed. Teddy was such a good kid and did not deserve things like this.

Sirius was drifting when he felt a hand on his cheek, and his eyes cracked open. Remus was there, smiling down at him, and he glanced at the book. “He persuaded you into reading the moon book, did he?”

“Honestly it didn’t take much convincing,” Sirius admitted.

“No. Hard to say no to that little face, isn’t it?”

Sirius carefully extracted himself from the boy’s arms, easing onto the floor with a groan. “Wow, that was not comfortable.”

Remus laughed. “No. It’s not.” He shuffled from one foot to the other. “Look I want to…to say thank you. I don’t usually have a lot of support when Teddy’s in hospital and well…”

“It’s fine. Really,” Sirius said quickly. “You’ve done far more for me. I’m not sure how I could have done it if you hadn’t been here.”

Remus reached out and squeezed his hand. “Can we…I mean. Would you…”

“Yes,” Sirius blurted, then flushed. “I’m sorry. I…were you going to ask me out?”

Remus laughed. “Yeah. I was. I was hoping you were er you know…swung my way.”

“I do,” Sirius said. “And I would love to. Even if it’s shitty hospital jelly on Teddy’s bed here.”

Remus grinned widely. “How about at mine. Once the kid is released. We’ll do some spaghetti or something and watch kid telly and I dunno…snog when the kid goes to bed?”

Sirius felt something twist in his gut. Because he liked Remus. And Teddy. And it meant he was agreeing not only to date Remus, but to date Teddy and it meant that inevitably when something did happen to Teddy, it would be the worst pain he would ever feel.

Then he looked down at Teddy’s sleeping face and realised that it wasn’t just about him. Teddy deserved to be loved too. Just like Remus did. And that was far more important than the inevitable grief.

“That sounds bloody perfect,” Sirius whispered.

Remus tugged on Sirius’ hand gently. “Can I kiss you?”

Sirius nodded, and then they did. It was soft, mostly chaste, but full of promise and wonder and Sirius was a little breathless when it was over.

As he pulled away, Remus’ eyes widened and he took a step back. Nodding his head he whispered, “Look.”

Sirius turned, and when he looked at the small cot, the miracle of all miracles had happened.

Harry’s eyes were open.

*** 

**Ten months later**

Sirius walked in the door, grinning as he pocketed his key. His eyes swept the room, his heart beating a little faster when Teddy opened his arms for him. Sweeping the boy off the sofa, he pressed several kisses to his cheeks. “Hey there, mini. How are you?”

“Good. I didn’t get my GI tube clogged at all today!”

“Excellent. If that’s the case then…” Sirius reached into his pocket and pulled out a lemon flavoured lolly which was Teddy’s favourite. “Just don’t tell your dad, eh? Before dinner.”

“Too late,” Remus admonished, strolling into the room. He yanked Sirius over by the hem of his shirt and kissed the corner of his mouth. “But I’ll allow it. Just this once.”

“Yay!” Teddy wriggled down and went back to watching Lego Star Wars.

Sirius followed Remus into the kitchen where he was prepping the constantly complicated meals Teddy required. The boy’s diet had to include supplements, along with being gluten-free, sugar-free, and no dairy. The need for added calories made the entire process complicated, but Remus never once complained. Currently he was working on a modified curry recipe James had sent with coconut milk in place of the cream.

“How’s Lily doing?” Remus asked after replacing the lid on the pot.

“Excellent. She’s walking on her own, still off balance, but her rehab is going great. She and Harry are working on their steps together, it’s actually kind of cute. James got her a my first steps photo of her and Harry together which he framed. Lily’s going to hate it.”

Remus laughed. “I could see that.”

“James and Harry are coming over this weekend though, if that’s alright with you two?”

“Sounds perfect,” Remus said. He turned to Sirius fully, reaching out to cup his cheeks and they kissed slowly, gently.

The past ten months hadn’t been easy. Harry woke, but struggled more than his parents, though within four weeks was steadily conscious and interacting with the adults. James was released shortly after his recovery, and had done better than all of them, though occasionally he had memory issues and had a much shorter temper than he had before the accident.

But he’d done amazing, taking care of Harry on his own with Lily still in rehab. Her recovery had been the hardest, but she was making amazing strides and her release was projected within the month. 

Sirius split his time between Remus’ and James’ equally, though as things were getting easier for James, he was hinting round the idea of Sirius just moving in with his boyfriend. It wouldn’t be a hard sell, really. Sirius was head over heels in love with both Remus and his son.

Teddy was doing better after the pacemaker was put in, though they had several scares and Teddy end up in hospital three more times with infections. He was on a lung transplant list though, a short list considering his prognosis at the moment, and presently Remus jumped every time his mobile rang.

Things weren’t easy. But in a way they were happy. And they were certainly full. Sirius could have never imagined this as his life, and the night the lorry hit the Potters he was sure everything was ending.

Now he realised everything was just beginning.

As Teddy laughed hysterically in the background, and as Remus kissed down his neck, Sirius realised his life really _was_ perfect. His own version of perfect.


End file.
